Saturday, August 9, 2008

so last night when i got to my house i ended up eating a scary snack before bed. it didn't go too far, but almost.
i had 1/2 jar of pickled garlic (pickled in olive oil). about 3c strawberries. 1 pita. i bag of World of Grains apple cinnamon cookies. i package (two teething biscuits). 1/4 jar of PB, 1/4 jar of jelly. it was 9:30 at night. i felt a little bad afterward but just figured i would sleep it off.
this AM i wanted to sleep until 6:45. however i was up at 5:30, ugh. i took the dog out. then i started to feel hungry. my stomach was feeling a bit queezy, and diarrhea. so i had some leftovers (in retrospect this was a very very poor decision. too bad i can't go back in time and make the right decision) all i can do is learn for the future. THIS AM TURNED INTO A BINGE: (

about 3/4c pumpkin, 4 pita's, 5 bananas, i jar PB, i jar SF jelly, about 4c strawberries (not all shown) 3 packages of apple cinnamon cookies, and 2 Ak-Mak crackers.

i was late getting to my parents house to go to the race!
i felt absolutely awful during the race. i had soooooo much peace in my mind during it though just being in the woods. (i was in a horrible amount of pain, and i was pretty angry with myself. - my first night alone in my house - testing myself to be alone, and i blow it. - WHY?................ the walking really really really helped my stomach to digest though. i mean it hurt a lot. but at the end (2h 20min). i really felt accomplished, happy, at peace, and my stomach pain was subsiding. i really thought i was going to throw up on the walk. unintentionally . i am so proud of myself for not throwing up!!! you have no idea how badly i wanted to press the rewind/delete button, but the truth is there isn't one. what i may think of as one at the time only makes matters worse!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am ready to be nice to myself. all i have is the here and now, all i can improve on is the present.
the past is only a bunch of present moments chained together, and the future is a bunch of present moments yet to come. if you work to improve the present, your past and future will inevitably be enjoyable and memorable.
i think i learned a lot from being at home alone. i know i have said this before. but i really can't just eat standing at the counter with open containers, no end in sight. i must get a portion and sit down with it. then be done after that amount!
I CAN do this. and i WILL do this. i am too darn stubborn and determined. take for instance today. there is no way i should have been able to do that race period (let alone after a binge, and the worst week ever). however i ended up trotting, not running, but slightly trotting some of it. and i made it all 11.5 miles!!!!!!!!!! you have no idea how proud of myself i am. i think this was some of the motivation i needed to get back into the exercise routine!
i have this little rule of thumb that i would really like to be better about following. my stomach should never feel so full that it would be physically uncomfortable to lightly jog A.K.A. trot. not go out for a big run. but not throw up the second you start to bounce a little. this goes for liquid. sometimes i drink way to much liquid at one time. this too is bad and makes you get reflux.
anyways i'm going to shower now and watch the olympics.

P.S. Give answering the "Just for fun" questions a shot. it will be fun to compare everyone's answers.

No comments: