so my nutritionist (RD) appointment went really well. i go some strong emotions out during it. scary. but she came up with a food plan for me that i am comfortable with (she said it was a little under calories, however, i really wasn't comfortable with her adding more yet. for some reason it was really really overwhelming. so here is my current plan:
B: 2 meat, 1 milk, 2 starch, 2 fruit, 1 fat
S: 1 fruit or starch, 1 meat
L: 3-4 meat, 1 milk, 2 starch, 2 veg, 2 fat
S: 1 fruit or starch, 1 meat
D: 4 meat, 1 milk, 2 starch, 2 veg, 2 fat
One dessert daily, anytime

is had been pretty comfortable so far. she is trying to diminish my bloated feeling from stuffing myself with low cal foods like vegetables then in turn binging. she is beefing up my consumption of higher density foods so that i am not nutritionally deprived and so that i can learn to be satisfied on less quantity and more quality.

so it figures my first day on the program and my camera ran out of battery! i would have loved to take pictures of my food. it was gorgeous, magazine ready!!!!! haha

i'll do my best to describe it to you, but really the picture is work 1,000 words. also i'm really excited because i went to a class at the gym today. i felt amazing during and after, i can really feel myself getting back on track. i didn't go into work today. it's funny, i counted in me head how much money i would make. i decided it really wasn't worth it!!! i need my head to be in a good place right now. i need to fight this ED and overcome the depression. i can already see major improvements. it is very hard for me to let myself feel bad. i have the attitude that their is always someone out their who is worse off than you. in turn i feel bad admitting that i am having a difficult time because i know it could be worse and i should appreciate what i have. i just need to surrender. surrendering has been the most difficult part. admitting was easy. now that i have surrendered i realize how exhausted i am. it feels really good to be on track for recovery. i am sort of thinking of my life as if it were a treatment program. (i have actually been in a treatment center once about 10 months ago. i felt like a prisoner! so i designed my own at home treatment program. i am using all my resources. Both my parents are Yoga instructors. my mom has a nutrition background in health and wellness and was a midwife and is currently an occupational therapist. my father helps me practice mindfulness. my mom is willing to explore me feelings with me and complete workbooks. (in between my consoling sessions) i really think this is going to work. intensive at home treatment until my school job starts (occupational therapist in an elementary school. i love it : ))